Average life of a northern woman
Average life of a northern woman
“What it means to be a girl in the Northern part of Nigeria is not significantly different from being a girl in the Southern part of Nigeria because girls everywhere live under the shackles of patriarchy and have one defining factor in their lives and that is the global culture of sexism”
In recent times, many women in the North are not only questioning and redefining culture but proving that it is possible to uphold the non-repugnant aspects of culture and tradition while excelling in whatever fields they choose. As more Northern women become visible in their careers and chosen fields, many find it more difficult to accept them
A northern woman is raised to be totally submissive and unconfrontational anything outside this is considered wild and unacceptable.
In the olden days much priorities were not given to women the least she could have was the basic islamic knowledge and then off she goes to her marital home , where she cooks, cleans, and give birth kids she’d be responsible for and the circle continues. And when she turns out to be a barren that’s another problem you see, if the man happens to be irresponsible he and his family will detest her for being that way and force him to get another wife if she’s lucky enough not to thrown out.
This has been happening for ages, but with the coming of times alot have changed. Girls now have freedom to study and work in private and public sectors.
There are some certain levels of behavior and expectations on her. First is that, it’s not possible for her to study any course of her choice, because some courses are believed to be for boys. Secondly, when she’s lucky enough to go through her studies without getting married on the way then she’s expected to bring out a husband soon before she ages more and becomes “old in her father’s house” as they normally put it.
When she gets to the Husband’s house, she’d later realize she wasn’t taught all about the new experiences. Now he gives order and she needs to obey and when he wishes he can stop her from continuing with her education or pursuing her dreams, because men do not like “too ambitious ladies “. They find them intimidating and this has been the thought and practices of many typical hausa men.
Throughout the courtship the two parties have forgotten to discuss about these problems or may be they reluctantly ignored it thinking they will sort everything out when the time comes.
The expectations he has on her is really high too, which includes doing all the house chores with little moral support. While some women are privileged enough to have supportive husbands where they’d have a smooth running of all their activities like studies and work
On the other hand the lady to becomes too demanding by relying on the husband to provide everything for her and her family. She doesn’t have the common semse to think of doing anything productive. Some tend to be too lazy to take care of their responsibilities, and from there problems will emanate. Many girls thought of marriage to be a bed roses until it becomes black and whitd and they will begin to find it too difficult to be solved. Where they will now sort for a divorce
I’m not saying divorce is bad. But there are certain instances where it becomes the best solution, because it’s not every marriage that is meant to be successful some are bound to fail. Which brings us to the topic of failed marriages.
This is the biggest night mare of every parent in the north. It’s just totally unacceptable. Every marriage is expected to be successful and all problems should be concealed inside without a protest or therapy. And the moment a lady is subjected to a divorce she becomes the talk of the town. She doesn’t enjoy the privileges she was used to. If she was seen before as a lucky damsel now people see her naked without much regards.
She thought by coming back home her family will embrace her with open arms, set food on the table before her and ask at every minute if she needed something. But no way, not in this part of the country. None of her ideologies will be respected anymore, everything she does, anything she wishes for becomes questionable. She’d be at her parents house as if she were a stranger. She’s not treated as the beloved daughter anymore even though the parents might feel they are doing the right thing. She instead, feels she’s being punished like an intruder. Nothing she says matters anymore. All they want is for her to go off to the next house if not back to her Ex’s house and fend for her self before the time, forgetting that she has been deprived so much of freedom which interrupted her studies, or may be she has been forced to quit her job. Making her vulnerable to start from afresh.
It’s high time our society come
to term with the deregetory word of “bazawara” meaning a divorcee, this word has long been over used and so much disrespect is attached to it.
A girl child should be equally regarded and be able to explore all her potentials. Thereby a having a developed society full of smart generations.
Fadhila Nuruddeen Muhammad
Good write up